Happy Chinese New Year

Every year seems the same but this year Lunar New year i feel that everythin kinds of start changin already. This is the first time i had a new year without the full strength of my family. With my brother being married and having moved out of the house, i feel sad sometimes, the house seems a bit quiet this year. The morning of Chu Yi is not much the same any more, no one fightin to use the toilet, and no one initiatin to wish our parents new year greetins in exchange for that fat angpow. I feel sad for my parents sometimes, coz i knew that in the next 5-10 years this house will become more n more empty. Once all of us has gotten married, they would be by themselves on every eve of chinese new year, though we may be back for that reunion dinner but whats forever lost is the lively spirits of each of us bouncing around the house, my brother always hoggin the mirror to gel his hair up, me and my sis fightin with him for the mirror space as we apply our make up, my mother will usually intervene at this point for a generous space so that she can apply her blood red lipstick.

Though one looks foward to growing up, to get married and start a family of his own but i knew that the memories of my family will always be in my heart.

My Valentine Day

Mmmm.....everytime i close my eyes i feel so loved all over again. Had a wonderful valentine day this year, it has been so long so long since i enjoyed my valentine day. Everything was a simple affair but just being with him is enough to make my whole day wonderful.

Had a pleasant dinner at Out of the pan basement of Raffles Shopping Centre. Its a place i have been longing to go for a long long time, everytime i walk past the restaurant after meetin my clients i see my lovely couple having their meal there. Eating right beside the water fountain and with the tiny tables they have, its a perfect place for couples to be so near ech other when they are savourin every bite of the crepes.

Nothin beats wakin up in the morning to have ur love ones lying beside u, i rem this words being spoken to mi some time long ago, how true. But i think i need to strt working on fulfillin my dreams. I dreamt long long time ago when i was young, to get married one day, to wake up early in the morning and cooked a sumptuous breakfast for my husband, i would feed him the egg and orange juice, snuggle cozily beside him and we could spent hours in the bath tub after that. Heee... soon...

Although my R always said that he is not one who likes to shower gifts but he has given mi so much all of a sudden, i was almost drown with happiness. My R is always observant to the things i like and the things i want, his observant skills is almost perfect,. Paying for my Levis as Valentine day present was already a wonderful surprise but never had i dreamt that he would finalli gave in and secretly purchased the tickets for the musical 'The Phantom of the Opera' I was really at a lost of words when i saw the hidden tickets, to think that seconds before i ws even throwin a small tantrum at him for not huggin mi. My tears had spill right that second as i read the card and look down at the tickets but they were tears of joy, every single tear was jumpin with happiness and pride. I look forward to attendin the musical with him on his birthday.

We went to Cathay Cineleisure for a movie coz i was thinkin of refreshin everythin that we did last year on this date. I can still rem how Our relationship had blossom since 1 yr ago on 14th Feb 2006 at Cathay Cineleisure. Having to worked in the afternoon, we had to rush through our date, catchin a movie at 10am in the morning and having quick lunch at a restaurant on the 4th level. Its a pity the restaurant is no longer there but I will always remember the daring guy who tried to touch my hand in the theatre, the silly guy that blush when i tease him for lookin at my bare shoulders. The surprise look on his face when he receive a Valentine present from his date. Our 1 year hasn't been easy and yet its not really hard. I look forward to the many years to come.

I find it weird sometimes but i do get used to it, that is writing/blogging past events. Oh well..whose gonna know if i dun say.

Sat was a great day, the day passes by so fast. Went accompany R for a haircut at tiong bahru, everyone's seem to be doing something new to their hair these days but i really can't made up my mind what to do with mine. haiz..

Afterwhich we rushed down to Orchard for a facial at FANCL. Not me but to accompany HIM!! Yes yes my boy actually likes to do his regular facial and he even goes for micro-dermabrasion once in a while. Well well... i do look forward to the day his face regains its former glory of smoothness.

Whoopee...due to my good companionship and patience waiting i guess, R rewarded me by paying for my FANCL moisturiser. Ooooh did i mention i already received my Valentine Day present, hee... he surpised mi too by paying for my Levis jeans, but ggrrr..the naughty guy. If i had known earlier that he is gonna use the Levis jeans as my present i would have chosen the nicer one that has crystal. But oh well since he said that i look good in it than thats the most important thing.

Retro Queen arrives

Whopeeee!!!The most incredible thing happen!!!

So glad i came to the TP Alumni Nite, although not much of the people we knew were there, but its ok becoz i already anticipated that. Its was well-organized event, and the food was great, i find them delicious actually but maybe the fact that the commitee keep us hungry till 9 plus could have attributed to that as well. Hee.. But it was definately better than some of the weddings that i have went too. Its also the first time i seen Chicken rice being served in buffet. The smell of the chilli sauce was simply droolsome.

Was a bit disappointed when i notice that there were many that came not according to the theme, but was a bit excited when i noticed that my attire was gettin lotsa attention. Well...im a gal, so it does feels great to have guys and gals turning heads at every corner.

Being nominated for Retro Queen didn't came too much of a surprise, i guess its because im used to being nominated for titles of best-Dressed and end up not winning any. So i had in my heart thought that "not again, have to face losing in front of so much people" but that thinkin was cut shot when i notice the lacklustre support the other participants received. Its was a really wonderful feeling when u see all these people whom u dunno clapping and cheering for u when i step forward. Having won the title Retro Queen in front of R meant a lot for me, felt happy coz R can be so proud of me. But i muz say the commitee could really place more effort in preparing the winning prize, i expect no tiara but receiving just 3 small roses and 3 small bears, i hd to used my whole strength to prevent the disappointment from showing on my face. But still at least i knew my Baby will be proud that his gal is a Retro Queen. Hee...

Its a Beautiful day

Thank God for the strength to go on. Things kinda of gets a teeny weeny bit better, as long as i don't put too high hopes or should i say don't put in any hopes, breathing during work seems so much better. Relationship ah...it has its ups & downs, but im relief the bad is finally over.

i miss the old me sometimes, full of smile, considerate for others, simple. i promise myself i will nt be easily jealous i will not be so full of myself anymore. I will not follow people's opinion, i live for myself and not for others. I will not forced myself to follow others opinion, things that i know is right i will do.

Look forward to going overseas with R, one thing i have learnt which is going overseas is with people whom u r not closed is definately not fun.

So happy

Hahaha i so so despise myself sometimes, for having no pride, no self-confidence & lack of self-control. A wonderful sentence,'Tears are a women's weapon' but what people often forgets(incl mi) is that when facing the opposite sex, they hate to be confronted with weapons.

But what should a women do when her 'weapon' is powerless, when she sees the world as a lonely 3 dimensional space, slowly she dun sees the reason to smile, nothin much is interestin enough to keep her smile up. Many times she tried to cheer people around her up, lame jokes, crappy jokes, lending a listening ear now & then, giving an understanding smile when things disappoint her in life. Sometimes it tires her out, it brings her deep in thought as to could the key lies in herself. Maybe she expects too much from her life, but lookin at people around her. She saw the reality of life too, with people putting on a fake front everyday. ...Hahaha

People seek solace in religion, in God when they are in distress, but me...hee..as ive mention in previous blog..ive already drawn further & further away...i still love God but its so hard to draw near to him. I self-guide myself right from the start, i move my way inch by inch towards God with my own will & heart. Now im lost, tired..its like a desert. The oasis seems so near, i can imagine its clear pretty blue water, the fresh air but the walk alone is so...alone... Bible study...hahaha....I used to feel full of fire, so eager to know all abt him, so eager to enrol & i spent more time with my cell group more than with any other friends. But after 2 years i realise than my spiritual life seems no different than what i was 2 years ago. I lack the determination, this i blame no one. But why is it that juz because to others i seem independent therefore no one bother about my spiritual growth. With R, its no different. I need a leader, a strong one. My sister was my spiritual pillar of support, telling me wonderful testimonials of God now & then, but even she now spends more time with others than with me. Its time to escape..to close my eyes to close my thoughts...maybe to be emotionally shutdown is not that bad an idea. Well...knowing my character this form of shutdown shouldn't last long, but sometimes juz like a computer, even human need to shutdown & restart .

New Year Resolution

Finalli...the old year is gone, 2006 is full of its ups & downs, as the new year comes in 2007, i set myself new resolutions that i hope i will be able to upkeep. I look forward to a wonderful 2007, and may all of us strive to new heights in this good year!!

1) To find the job that can expands and nurture my full potential.
2) To coordinate & balance my time between friends, church, family & prince charming.
3) To be more initiative in contacting my old friends and close friends
4) To be more sales driven & more hardworking in my job, though i may nt stay long i wish to leave behind a good record : )
5) To be more understanding towards everyone in my life and this extends to EVERYONE & nt juz my beloved.
6) To think more, speak less
7) To think faster than i speak(now thats real tough!)
8) To be more lady like
9) To start saving for my future
10) To eat less oily stuff & stay away from chocs
11) To tidy up my room
12) To spend day & night missing my baby

and the list goes on......

Went to Marina Square for a lacklustre countdown, but the fireworks was good. But the crowd has no sense of timing and no one had the initiative to start a countdown. Not that fantastic but oh well its free viewing so can't really expect much, i guess in Singapore we can't expect that much.
Went for a KTV marathon after countdown from 12.30am - 6am at marina square!! Im so tired but really enjoyed myself coz its a great way to bond with my friends!!!Met my ex-bf there, what a small world!
Spent the whole day with R, & i mean the WHOLE day from 8am onwards till the next day morning, i was so happy. Although i wasn't in my usual over-enthu self but i guess its good too coz its time i learn to be more lady-like. Glad i choose to spent the rest of the evening with him instead of meeting a gal friend of mine coz i can see he really appreciate it. Felt super loved by him, it has been so long since he treat me like a princess.

What a Day

Aiyo it really marvels me at how fast things change. I was thinking about how bored i will be at work yesterday morning, was dreading at how slow the day will be, but suddenly with just one phone call made, i had to wheeze out of the office to meet clients and to rush to another place to collect documents and yet rush to a third place to attend to another restaurant feedback cum complaint.All the while fighting with the time, there is simply no time to sit down to have a break. Lunch was quickly settled with a few mouthful of rice and i had to rush off with a phonecall from my colleagues.
Worse thing to happen is to have ur phone low batt on a day like this, i had to rush home to charge my phone for 5-7 mins so as to contact Jolene and to remain contactable by R. I miss R the whole day, no time to call/msg him, have time also cannot call/msg him coz phone low batt.Was looking forward to seeing him coz he say he not be at home but will be near my poly playing bb.
Stupid phone, it can gives u real convenience and yet left u in great despair when u need it the most. After a nice popiah dinner with Jolene, happily was i skipping to look for my beloved to surprise him. Stupid phone, stupid rain, stupid me. Not knowing of Change of venue of bb session resulted in me left stranded in rain with nowhere to go and low batt phone leave me in a worse state of lost & desperation. Thank God for friends, Jolene was like my light in the dark. Thanks Jo.
With her phone i was saved. Eventually after 30 calls R was contacted. R was unhappy that i came, my coming has resulted in him not being able to enjoy supper with the guys. its so hard to create a balance. So hard.I tried my best but I see the cycle coming back, i see deja vu.
'Because i spent time with you, i have no time for sports & my friends & my family' 6 years ago this sentence nearly took my life away, now....haha maybe its me.Maybe the correct way of handling a relationship is to simply dun spent time.
A perfect gf is when she contacts u at a time 'when im free & my friends & family members r not free than i think i miss u baby so here i am' sort of thing.Its a thing i am still learning and have no idea if i will master it one day. Guys out there may deny it, but frankly speaking no guy will say they dun prefer such 'understanding gf' (All gals say 'Aye')
I may sound bitter but if u were me u will be too.

White White Christmas

Love this year Xmas, im so glad Jean can make it, im so glad of being able to be there when she needs a listening ear. My new year revolution which im gonna try my best to fulfil. 'To think more for others and to lend a listening ear to all' Simply love the Samsung D900(i can take many many pics and videos of R!!) & the Pooh Bear that R got for me. The Pooh Bear is so cute!! Round round face, big big tummy Cute Cute face, its a replica of ME!! Hahaha. Xmas eve party went on well too, food was good. I simply love the choc fondue and the colourful fruits not forgettin the melted marshmellows..wow...im drooling again....R's 'famous' chicken curry was well received with many praise that make his head swell like a big wtermelon. Haha but im glad his curry was well appreciated by all. Im so proud of him : )

My mum was so sweet, gave me a lovely pendent. And i got a pretty in pink ladies bag for the gift exchange. Love the pink bag coz it reflects what my friends think of mi, sweet & feminine. Maybe they r not thinkin dat way, but who cares coz i love deceiving myself this way. Hiak hiakhiak...I give thanks to my da ge ge Norman as well for the set of clothes that he has blessed me & R. R look so charming and sexy in the tops that Norman pass to him that i felt like grabbing him and run off to hide him away.Norman has such explicit taste in fashion, and the midas touch. I never really take notice that i would look well in dresses and soft tone clothes. Now that he mentioned, my shoulders & collar bones do look beautifyl hahaha bu yao lian...My 2nd new year revolution. To stop buying black colour top & bottoms and go for colours. Haha R seems to agree on that too.

Spent the whole morning & afternoon with R on Christmas Day, skipping breakfast & lunch. My tummy became so flat that i juz wish it can remain that way forever. Although we spent almost 3 days together but i still can't bear to pull myself home...i miss my parents but still being with him feels so good. Can't wait to grow up.

Away for a long time

Whew...its been a long while since i start typing. Nt that im busy but sometimes u juz feel lazy and the rain is making my muscles so.....Hee.. i would definately like to give myself a pat on the shoulders coz i have been making the effort to contact a couple of friends, trying to go out with them. It may seems normal to someone else but to me its a big step forward.

Me extrovert on the outside, introvert inside. I dun really have the habit of asking friends out or even go out with friends, everything is kinda depends on my mood at the particular day and particular time. I have began to realise that it is quite unhealthy to give priorities to ur bf all the time. So im gonna start lookin for all the friends that i have once said to them' will call u' 'ask u out one day' 'lets go out 1 day' etc..but never really fulfil. My new year resolution, to spare a thought for others in all things i do and to enjoy time with my friends.

Many people are getting married, its like every other month i will bound to receive a 'red bomb' Its great attending people's wedding, u see their face glowing with pride and joy, every bride became a princess that night. But when u attend too much wedding, u start to wonder...why do all weddings looks the same? The Holy matrimony, walk down aisle, combine candlelight, say the long long verse of through sickness & in health thingy, yam seng that is getting more and more boring unless its well prepared with lotsa spontaneous brothers & sisters, rushing to take photos at every table....maybe its just my luck, but of the many weddings i attend, gone are the days u see friends sabotaging the groom, newly-wed saying touching thank you verse. Friends grabbin mike to make a fool of themselves...It makes mi think....what does it takes to be a wedding planner??

Life has been good, through all the ups & downs with me & R, we have gotten closer and closer each other heart. But at the same time i seem to have drawn further & further away from someone else...New Year Resolution 2, to draw closer to him.

Memories

Well well well its time for some nonsensical blogging again, dun have any idea why i blog also, but it does feel good to record some of your deep thoughts somewhere, its safer than a diary and its easier cause typing is far less tiring than writing.

So many things have happen in my love life since the day i was born, regret some actions ive done, but still no matter what, everything will always remain in my heart as a nice memory for mi to reminiscene when im old.

Really feel sorry for that one person who holds me dearly, im sorry for not reciprocating your love, im not a heartless person and he knows it. But its just that when many things happen together at the same time, u will know it when its time to let go and i did.

Feel not contented sometimes, dunno y, maybe im jus too greedy. Everyone is having a beautiful relationship, creating their own fairytale, carving their happily ever after piece by piece but my past still haunts me . Every single relationship has been place on a bench mark, no one has manage to overtake the benchmark. Hahaha so sad. R had overtake this benchmark initially but he slide back after our 'honeymoon period' but he is still a great guy. Muz be i watch too many drama serials le, i shld stop watching. But sometimes i still envy, envy couples everywhere. Their boyfriend hold their hands tightly when they walk, look at them adoringly all the time, hold them by the waist while waiting for train, give a kiss when they are talking

My baby, my R is so tall, so charming, so fun to be with, sociable and friendly, mixed well with all my friends but its a pity i seem to be the opposite when im standing beside him. It may sounds negative but its a truth that ive come to accept. Beside him, im tremendoulsy short, not as good-looking as the previous gals in his life, talk too much, not humourous, sociable..i doubt..i have not much chance to mingle with his friends so im unsure myself. Can i ever have a relationship with him whereby he will feel proud to show me to all his friends, where i will be the one next to him when he attend weddings. I maybe thinking too much but its making me crazy.

Look foward to mid Dec, where his exams end.

Saturday

Went for to watch R play at his weekly bb match. Hmm...though i dun play that sport at all(i dun even play any form of ball games) im starting to enjoy watching it every week. Every single week is different, the intensity tends to not be so strong at certain match but i love it when the scores are close and everyone is in full-power to either defend or attack. Im really glad and proud of myself for not being the type of gal that dun allow their guy to go for sports games. But i admit, if he were to not bring me along to watch, i would definately throw a big tantrum.

I love saturdays. Cause Saturday always seems to be a magical day whereby all disputes and misunderstandings are dissolved. I look forward to December, where i can enjoy a blissful month with him.

Saturday Fever

A pretty wet weather these days, its raining so often. Muz be the monsoon season coming. But im starting to like Saturdays not because i get to enjoy my off day but because for the past 2 Saturday i have been receiving compliments from R. : )

Last Saturday R told me that he could't recognise me when i was among the crowd walking towards him, he just notice that i was not bad looking, but only realise its me when i walk over to him. Gee...its makes me shy....

And this Saturday, while having dinner R told me that when i reach his bb court,for a split second he find my appearance really really cute. Gosh...i can feel my blood gushing in my veins when he said that, he rarely give compliments so i was really really feeling flattered. I can say it kinda makes mi wanna make even more effort in dolling myself up the next time i see him. Well but sad to say, i dun think its very much possible, as it takes lotsa time and money to look good. Well this biase mindset of mine has to be change but its gonna take awhile.

Enjoy the short period of time with him today, although its just a few hours but i can start to see things in a broader view now. I finally grasp the picture back again of how important it is to give your guy a smile whenever he is feeling tired or frustrated instead of channeling all his cold reaction as a personal attack.

Made the impulse decision of meeting with Thomas today. When to meet him and his friends at The Chevron. Not exactly an impressive place, it resembles very much of a country club....hmm...i wonder do they take in trainees.? Met Thomas colleagues and ...!!God Sister!!~~ It shocked me initially coz i have always thought that gone were the days whereby we address our senior the title of God Sis & God Bro. It reflects to me of how close-knitted he is with his colleagues but at the same time it tells me a little of the happy environment he is in. But dunno y, in my heart i still finds it...though it sounds a bit rude...but it seems a bit bit weird to me. Not that im against having God-siblings but at the age of 27 yrs old, i wld feel that its funny to be calling another lady ~Jie~Jie~ all the time. To have the person as your God Sis, fine. But to actualy call the person by the title and not by her name is just too...unmanly??

Overall i enjoy the karaoke session but i wld enjoy it even more if the girls actually stay in the room and not disappear every once in a while one by one. Time really past by fast....the last time i see thomas i was just 14 years old, and its all thank to him that i get to enjoy my NDP 1998 or izzit 1999? WhateVEr~~Both of us didn't really change that much in terms of appearance, but i just wonder how each of us will become in the next decade to come...

I see sunshine coming

Felt so good to be in his arms, to look into his eyes, to touch his face. To have him kiss me gently on my head even if just once, to just lie on his strong chest and i know all the efforts spent in rushing down is worth it. Things between us still seem a bit awkward but i know we are both trying. Relationship are meant to be built brick by brick, and thats what we are gonna do once more. With all the cracks that appear from the difficult times, with our love we will fill in the hole together.

Soon, i will see the sunshine smile on my baby's face, nothing beats seeing him well and smiling. My strength and my joy comes from my Lord and my precious.

I thank my friends for being there for me when im down, i have think it thru and solve the problem le. please dun worry for me. A word for him, dun follow my footsteps in waiting for a relationship that will not come back. Im not worth waiting, thanking for the wonderful memories you have given me but I have found happiness that i want at present moment, thanks for praying for me, glad to know u have get to known the Lord. May you find your new joy & happiness & peace in the Lord.

Cloudy day with a bit of Sun

Was feeling terrible during morning today, tears will just well up all of a sudden, but after service felt better. After talking to Jane and the rest, i felt even better le. Initially had though R was ignoring my sms, but juz now he explain that the reception at his workplace was really bad so i felt much better le. R had 3 ulcers that was causing him pain for the past few days, but that silly chap hide it from me, no wonder he didn't talk much when he was with me. He forgive me for yesterday incident le, yeah!!! But felt a bit sad already, dunno how im gonna survive next week. He won't be meeting me at all this week except for Sunday service cause he is studying for his exams. Well..i have given him my word that i shldn't distract him and shld encourage him to spend more time on his studies. So now its time for me to grow up and think more for him instead of for myself. I knew if im 'guai guai' don't disturb him dun add on his stress, he will love me more. Jia you!

Stupid me

Had a good start today but i somehow ruin the day myself. I can be so stupid sometimes. Was delighted juz now when R said i look pretty today and that he couldn't recognize me when i was walking among the crowd towards, he was in fact checking me out a bit. hahaha for his sake i muz really dress up more. But i ruin the whole outing at the end, done something wrong again, felt so angry at myself. Why am i so sensitive? I had slapped myself several times already but still feel its not enough to punish myself. Maybe i am just too sensitive a person, but it really doesn't feel good when he ignore me during his basketball session, not a good feeling, when he walk off juz lidat without asking me to follow him out of the court, i shouldn't have told him i felt like his maid. Wrong move! He don't meant to make me feel like a maid, its my fault actually cause everytime he after basketball he is lidat but i muz be so sensitive today and say such stupid remarks to him. I made him so angry at me for thinking this way after that he didn't even talk to me. He say he dunno what i want him to say le. Bhish!!I shouldn't have insisted on catching a movie when he is do obvious not in the mood, also dunno y but i juz want things my way at that point. Feel like slapping myself hard. When i see his face so frustrated i knew i was wrong but too late leh coz he is upset already. After movie felt guilty for having to cause him to take cab home, why am i so not understanding, can't stand myself for being such a spoilt brat. Fell a bit lonely when he didn't send me to my door-step, although i knew its really inconvenient to ask cab driver to wait for him but i juz felt that its so late already and the fact that he didn't even call me to ensure i rch home safely really hurts me so. Maybe im too sensitive.

I muz keep my promise and not be a crybaby, my previous ex leave because he couldn't stand seeing me cry, i really really dun wan history to repeat, i muz change i muz not be so sensitive le.

Truth Hurts

What should you do when retribution starts happening in your life? Hahaha...muz be i hurt too many people in the past so now its all coming back....hahaha...God, why did you let me knew so much, must you reveal so much to me? Truth hurts realli.

Feel realli realli alone sometimes, but its of no one's fault. Who tell me to be such a social and yet anti-social person. I dislike being the one to arrange for outings, for fear that no one will turn up. I will always be the one waiting for my friends to call me up for shopping, ktv etc etc..but when they call i usually turn them down unless my boyfriend is nt free and i don't feel like being alone at home. Dun understand myself sometimes, why i let my life be tie to all the ones i love in the past. But its hard to stop this habit, its easy to critize others for spending too much time with their partners instead of with friends, but when things happen to yourself, its kinda a different story. You long to see s face that looks forward to seeing you, but fairy tale usually dun last, thats wat pastor say. No wonder it 'shi xian liao'

Haha a friend recently told me, i not quite seem the same anymore. My level of self-confidence and energy, my positive aspect of looking at everything in my life seems to be diminishing. Im so call a more negative person nowadays. R notice that too. I muz quickly find back my confidence or i will be risking losing this man that i love. Coz R likes people that knows how to balance their lifestyle between relationship and friends. He is starting to find it unhealthy that we are spending far too much time together, we are practically meeting up everyday. I muz try to change that, its gonna be hard but i muz try.

Communication

Another weekend gone, a brand new week lies ahead again. People everywhere are rushing to work, preparing to face another week of intense work again, a life cycle. Not that im complaining, but i dun understand myself sometimes, and i dislike to be a whiner. But i really look forward to that day i can be just like my sister, working in a job that she knows is God's purpose for her life. Feel happy for her whenever i see her eyes lite up whenever she talks about her students, although she does not spend much time at home because of it but gradually i dun blame her anymore. What right do i have to blame her, it would be like the pot calling the kettle black. Im mostly not at home nowadays, knowing deep down it will be getting pretty unhealthy but i can't really stop myself can i : )

Words are really what u call, a double-edge sword, it can protect you make u feel secure and on the other hand hurt you really deep.

I thank my sister for her guidance and for her prayers, her words etched deep in my heart 'many people have been praying for you' 'do u really think no one cares for you', 'God has given you tremendous grace' all her words touched my heart and i knew how special God has been to me. To meet all the right people, to have so many people out there trying to protect me.I feel sad sometimes, really guilty. I knew that people are praying for me, but i really don't know how to react to them.

Communication is the greatest key to life. Haha but sometimes it is really easier said than done. Robert always told me ' You are the one that teach me to communicate, to open up' But can everyone really take in open commuincation? I knew that my communication has failed greatly in my household. Living in the same household, going home everyday but yet i knew nothing of what is happening to my sister and my parents. My sister's freinds probably knew her better than i did, and i knew she felt the same way too. An irony sometimes, both of us teaching others to communicate and yet failed greatly in our own household.