Another weekend gone, a brand new week lies ahead again. People everywhere are rushing to work, preparing to face another week of intense work again, a life cycle. Not that im complaining, but i dun understand myself sometimes, and i dislike to be a whiner. But i really look forward to that day i can be just like my sister, working in a job that she knows is God's purpose for her life. Feel happy for her whenever i see her eyes lite up whenever she talks about her students, although she does not spend much time at home because of it but gradually i dun blame her anymore. What right do i have to blame her, it would be like the pot calling the kettle black. Im mostly not at home nowadays, knowing deep down it will be getting pretty unhealthy but i can't really stop myself can i : )
Words are really what u call, a double-edge sword, it can protect you make u feel secure and on the other hand hurt you really deep.
I thank my sister for her guidance and for her prayers, her words etched deep in my heart 'many people have been praying for you' 'do u really think no one cares for you', 'God has given you tremendous grace' all her words touched my heart and i knew how special God has been to me. To meet all the right people, to have so many people out there trying to protect me.I feel sad sometimes, really guilty. I knew that people are praying for me, but i really don't know how to react to them.
Communication is the greatest key to life. Haha but sometimes it is really easier said than done. Robert always told me ' You are the one that teach me to communicate, to open up' But can everyone really take in open commuincation? I knew that my communication has failed greatly in my household. Living in the same household, going home everyday but yet i knew nothing of what is happening to my sister and my parents. My sister's freinds probably knew her better than i did, and i knew she felt the same way too. An irony sometimes, both of us teaching others to communicate and yet failed greatly in our own household.
Monday, October 23, 2006
Sunday, October 22, 2006
His past~~
Have been feeling low again towards my relationship for the past few days, do i really seem happy to people out there? i must have been a great actress than, cause no one in my situation can really be feeling happy. Its insecure i guess, i should have known. The more u love someone the more possessive you will become, i knew that i am slowing paving towards that route again but i can't stop myself. I can't stop myself from getting jealous or perhaps irritated when i see the his room tenant, the China young gal wearing her innocent strappy sleepwear, watching TV, always preparing food for them. But my anger and jealousy has since subsided with the sweet words from him. Im angry at myself for getting work out for no reason sometimes, i must really learnt to control my temper or its gonna let me end up in hot soup someday.
Being open, he let out to me on his feeling towards her, of how he has been confessing towards his ex, that i am part of the reason towards their irreconcilable relationship, of his phobia , and how unfair it is to me. At that point, I dun care and i dun mind as long as i knew that he is mine and that his feelings are true. 'Their papers are not signed yet, the possibility of them going back' these words will keep ringing in my ears. But i have already learnt to live with all these voices. That God for letting her find her own happiness, it finally wake him up, lift up the guilty feling in his heart, and i knew that as time goes by, he will be a brand new person again and put all the past behind him as we embrace our future. Of Mr Baby Lee and Mrs Love Lee.
Being open, he let out to me on his feeling towards her, of how he has been confessing towards his ex, that i am part of the reason towards their irreconcilable relationship, of his phobia , and how unfair it is to me. At that point, I dun care and i dun mind as long as i knew that he is mine and that his feelings are true. 'Their papers are not signed yet, the possibility of them going back' these words will keep ringing in my ears. But i have already learnt to live with all these voices. That God for letting her find her own happiness, it finally wake him up, lift up the guilty feling in his heart, and i knew that as time goes by, he will be a brand new person again and put all the past behind him as we embrace our future. Of Mr Baby Lee and Mrs Love Lee.
Wednesday, October 18, 2006
Whew...finali back from the Philippines business trip. The trip really opens up my eyes, i started to appreciate once again the beautiful green pasture of my homeland, the modern architect and even the traffic roads.
Looking at my surroundings, it was simply...grey. The buildings were old, its full of dust everywhere, there are many roadside stalls and thin, frail young ma selling small items like cigarettes along the road. I see 20-30 over people queing up at the back door of hotels early in the morning, all of them with eager look, hoping to get a job in this country that shares high unemployment rate. I see small small pkts of shampoo and rice and many other basic necessities sold nt in bulk but always in small quantity in the supermarkets, as the locals would never be able to afford to buy them in normal size.
My flight there was really bad, flight was delayed thrice, had to wait for 3 and 1/2 hours, luggage was placed in another aircraft and the staff had the cheek to inform us only after all of us from the delayed flight had already waited for 45 mins at the conveyor belt. Luckily Rachael and i had arranged for a transfer flight while waiting as our original flight was cancelled eventually.
At 6.pm Manila time, the sky was already dark, for a moment i thought it was already 8 pm. Traffic was a mess, cars and jeepneys(small bus) were everywhere. They dun really follow any road lanes, so its literally everywhere. Only managed to reach the quiet hotel room at 7.30pm.
Interviewing the trainees was a real challenge man, some were reali quiet and i felt like smacking them for wasting my time, and some were really dramatic in their articulation. Over the 3 days, i think i must have chalk up a minimum of $30 overseas call, its impossible to stop me from calling my bf especially with since i was forced to applied for auto-roaming by my parents.
Luckily there isn't time to do shopping, so my wallet is safe from personal attack. Being back safely in Singapore after 3 days, suddenly feels deeply that home is always the best.
Looking at my surroundings, it was simply...grey. The buildings were old, its full of dust everywhere, there are many roadside stalls and thin, frail young ma selling small items like cigarettes along the road. I see 20-30 over people queing up at the back door of hotels early in the morning, all of them with eager look, hoping to get a job in this country that shares high unemployment rate. I see small small pkts of shampoo and rice and many other basic necessities sold nt in bulk but always in small quantity in the supermarkets, as the locals would never be able to afford to buy them in normal size.
My flight there was really bad, flight was delayed thrice, had to wait for 3 and 1/2 hours, luggage was placed in another aircraft and the staff had the cheek to inform us only after all of us from the delayed flight had already waited for 45 mins at the conveyor belt. Luckily Rachael and i had arranged for a transfer flight while waiting as our original flight was cancelled eventually.
At 6.pm Manila time, the sky was already dark, for a moment i thought it was already 8 pm. Traffic was a mess, cars and jeepneys(small bus) were everywhere. They dun really follow any road lanes, so its literally everywhere. Only managed to reach the quiet hotel room at 7.30pm.
Interviewing the trainees was a real challenge man, some were reali quiet and i felt like smacking them for wasting my time, and some were really dramatic in their articulation. Over the 3 days, i think i must have chalk up a minimum of $30 overseas call, its impossible to stop me from calling my bf especially with since i was forced to applied for auto-roaming by my parents.
Luckily there isn't time to do shopping, so my wallet is safe from personal attack. Being back safely in Singapore after 3 days, suddenly feels deeply that home is always the best.
Wednesday, October 04, 2006
Felt so bored of my life nowadays. Nothin much to look forward, sometimes i realli question myself, was i asking for too much. No matter how much i detest my manager and my customers, i still have to go on smiling every day, pretending that things are alright. I feel like quiting every now and them but my principles will always hold me back. It is simply against my principles to give up on something so easily. I read the news, watch TV, and even read the magazines. All around me, people are talking about stress management, dealing with pressure. In lifts and in mRT, i hear people complaining about their jobs and family. It kinda of make me realise thats the way life goes, not much people will have a job that they like and they want, we just have to bear with the nity grity and move on.
I envy the people in the train and every where, they have someone to speak to, to let out their emotions when they feel pressurized at work but being the youngest in the office, there is simply no one i can speak to, no one genuinely on my side. I miss my days in Amore, miss Ros, miss Jasmine and the many other colleagues. I used to be able to talk to them everyday, talk about my family, my church and 'updates' of my relationship problems, they would always have a listening ear, and my ear will always be open for them as well. We would joke about things that happen in our life andmany other things.
But things changed. The people in Amore are there no more. It just feels not the same when talking to your boyfriend, they understanding is limited as they are not as sensitive to ur emotions. I hated myself today for being so easily upset, i thank God for letting me attend cellgroup last week, it opens up some areas and allows me to understand myself more towards relationship.
My love language
1) Physical Touch
2) Quality Time
3)Words of affirmation
4) Acts of service
5) Gift giving.
I feel so empty today, reali miss the times whereby i would be received with an open arm and hugged tightly when i stepped into his place. now I can't even tell him how much these things matter to me as he would feel that i am always comparing past to present. i know how busy it is with the studies but all i want is just someone to hold and to comfort me, make me feel welcomed when i return home from a day's work full of resentment and anger. Maybe im just too greedy, a listening ear is not enough
I envy the people in the train and every where, they have someone to speak to, to let out their emotions when they feel pressurized at work but being the youngest in the office, there is simply no one i can speak to, no one genuinely on my side. I miss my days in Amore, miss Ros, miss Jasmine and the many other colleagues. I used to be able to talk to them everyday, talk about my family, my church and 'updates' of my relationship problems, they would always have a listening ear, and my ear will always be open for them as well. We would joke about things that happen in our life andmany other things.
But things changed. The people in Amore are there no more. It just feels not the same when talking to your boyfriend, they understanding is limited as they are not as sensitive to ur emotions. I hated myself today for being so easily upset, i thank God for letting me attend cellgroup last week, it opens up some areas and allows me to understand myself more towards relationship.
My love language
1) Physical Touch
2) Quality Time
3)Words of affirmation
4) Acts of service
5) Gift giving.
I feel so empty today, reali miss the times whereby i would be received with an open arm and hugged tightly when i stepped into his place. now I can't even tell him how much these things matter to me as he would feel that i am always comparing past to present. i know how busy it is with the studies but all i want is just someone to hold and to comfort me, make me feel welcomed when i return home from a day's work full of resentment and anger. Maybe im just too greedy, a listening ear is not enough
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