Food No more Food

Feeling weird weird recently.A bit happy, a bit angry, a bit frustrated, a bit irritated.

I think i am suffering from mild mild depression.

Feeling fat for the past few days. Started on friday actually. After having instant noodles for dinner with R, i felt guilty, as i had add in pretty much sausages(to me its a lot) and crabmeat stick. It was pretty late already when we had our this so-call dinner.

In comparison with my recent dinner of bread and small snacks, eating a whole bowl of noodle seems like too much. R and I had a little cold war after that, and it simply makes my mood go even lower.

Sat nite;
Ate a plate of beehoon and pudding at GVSS homecoming 'party', details of that i shall save it for another blog entry.Hee...But i had told myself, no no i shall not ate anything for dinner, but still...the beehoon goes in. Add macdonald nuggets after that while waiting to go for KTV session with Miss P. All the fats....oh well~~

Sun morning;
Ate a whole packet of wanton mee for breakfast, thanks to my father. Three hours later, ate another packet of wanton mee, thanks to R. In between, i ate some tidbits here and there, drank a packet of Milo and a can of Coke. Stood in front of the mirror and look in dismay at my bulging waistline.

To make things worse, i ate a huge dinner at Serangoon, had prawn,fried chicken wings, fish steamboat,fried egg and many others. Though my sis warn me not to finish my whole bowl of rice, i ignore her n go ahead with stuffing the prawn-sauced filled rice into my stomach. I ate more than the rest that night, but i can't seem to stop myself.

One side of me was thinking, my waist is expanding, skin is stretching, but on the other hand another voice told me that its ok, u have slim down quite a lot isn't it. Plus the good company with my family and R makes my appetitite became even better.

Mon nite;
Accompanied Family to do food tasting at Marina Mandarin Hotel for my sis wedding. 8-course dinner. All the dishes were fantastic accept the vegetables with mushroom. I ate n ate n ate again...i even had 2bowls of sharkfin soup. My God, the sharkfin is like free lidat, i had like 4 big lumps of sharkfin in my first bowl and so does everyone else.

Last nite;
Bought chicken floss bun and yoghurt for dinner, pretty healthy rite, so was like ready to feel not guilty for the rest of my night, but alas while watchin teevee, there was this overpowering maggi mee smell, think someone in my block is cooking fantastic maggi mee, even my sis smell it, so im not hallucinating, so in the end. Haiz...gave in, and cook instant mee at almost 10p.m. Half-way thru, i feel really nausea already, coz i am already startin to imagine the fats n carbo entering my body, feeding my inner and outer fat cells, feel my waist ballooning...

Gettin crazy...

In the past few days, the same thing happen over and over again,the more i restrained, the more i can't stop myself from eating more. Can't stand it. When i notice how R always secretly looks at girls who r well-dressed in tight top which enhances their super curvy slim waist, i can't help but feel really really sour inside. Everyone in the world thinks u r not fat, but u knew otherwise.

I want a really really small waist, and being small built, i knew that i can do it, it just depends on how well i handle my temptations and discipline.I know im asking too much, but its simply a gal thing, and its hard to describe.