It all started from the love of one American lady Sonora Dudd towards her father whom have taken on a dual parental role after her mother died. Its sad to know that should Sonora decided to just take her Daddy out for a simple dinner and not do anything. We would still be celebrating only Mother's Day today.
Since the beginning of the era, men have been a breadwinner in most household, yet the acknowledgement of their love and efforts have always been place many many levels behind that of a mother.
Since young, ive always place equal effort when it comes to selection of mother's day & father's day gifts. And hope that all of you out there would do the same as well. (But of course, subjected to a case-by-case basis)
Back home early on a Sunday afternoon. Its just 2pm.
I can't believe myself either.
Forgotten to bring my mobile out this morning, went home straight after service with R to get it. But when i saw my papa sitting in the living room watching DVD alone, an unbearable guilty feeling overcame me.
Thank God for letting me have the most understanding boyfriend. We agreed that since we have no particular destination to head to, we had a delicious lunch of Big Prawn Mee at Kallang Bahru and than its HOme Sweet Home for me.
Perhaps its because my parents are getting older or perhaps its because my siblings are both married and has their own commitment. I often feel that the responsibility of taking care of parents lies on my own shoulders. In fact, i often felt i have not done enough for my parents to repay them for bringing me into this world.
Though i knew im extremely blessed to have parents that do not depends on me for financial support, but i do knew that they have always desire these one thing from us. TIME.
I feel angry at myself sometimes, because i knew that in the past years i have let my own enjoyment and my worldly life influence my behaviour.
Since secondary school days, my sundays were reserve for my Father. I would stay home on sunday as much as possible, to clean the fish tank with him and my siblings, to clean the house, wash my school shoes and to accompany him for lunch, VCD watchng, karaoke or just be there to help out with anything.
But when i entered poly, things change, and i suddenly decided not to 'waste' my sundays on him. I spent my time with boyfriend instead. Looking back, i truly regret my choice. My father's mood swings throughout these period, whenever i spent more time at home with him, he would be more willing to attend church occasionally, eat proper food, and be in happy mood. But when i start hanging out late outside, he would lock himself in the room to watch VCD alone, refuse to attend church service and start eating heaty and unhealthy food. He would often lure me in spending more time with him by asking what is the latest movie.
Its the same way as to how ive been treating God. Throughout the years, i knew there were many times, i choose to not attend service, to not attend cell group. I gave myself reasons for all these actions, and i always tell myself, "Tonight i will pray and spent time in his word" But when night falls, the sleep demon always become even stronger. I would spent 5 -10 mins and than Zzzzz...
Though i knew, God wants me to spent more time in church, to make more effort in having a stronger prayer life, i have allowed myself to give excuses after excuses. Though i told people i am a person of strong perserverance, towards God and family and many other areas, it simply does not shows.
In church today, a particular verse in the worship song touch my heart.
"Break my heart for what breaks yours"
"Show me how to love like you love me"
My Father in Heaven so much reminds me of my Father on earth.
Looking at myself in this jobless situation, facing disappointment from people whom i have started placing trust in. The various rejections Ive faced. I knew it hurts my Father in Heaven as much as it Hurts my Father
on earth.
I can't stop but ask myself.
Who hurts more? Myself or the father that loves me.
My father asked me yesterday " So, how's your job?"
I answered "Still finding ar"
The silence that follows was the most horrible sound i have ever heard.
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