Birthday celebration

Didn't went home AGAIN last nite, just feel like being with my baby, feel so much more happpier.Celebrated a close friend's birthday at Cluny court just now with my Baby,so glad he is willing to sacrifice his studying time for mi. The celebration is a small affair with a small bundle of people, is it just me or is our group dwindling in size. Perhaps im thinkin too much...or i simply love big group, hahaha

There are so many nice restaurants in Singapore, whenever i walk past one i will always think to myself, when V-day come, muz come here, when bday comes, muz come here, but the thing is, when those days really come, the only place i can think of is always Tampines Mall. haiz....

Kinda feel bored and lonely easily nowadays, but whenever im out, i can't help but feel irresponsible on the inside. My disseratation still lies inside my PC, almost untouched. But due for submission in less than 2 months time. I know i will be killing myself soon but...i feel like giving up on this dissertation...Not that i will not submit it at all, but i jus can't bring myself to focus on delivering a good piece of work.

Feeling redundant at work day after day, self-motivating myself everyday. Frankly speaking i hate myself for being an emotionally strong person, i wish i can just be a weak little gal, than at least i can be pathetic and be in denial of my future.

Who can i look to? God? Will be trying harder to go towards that direction but it gets hard when the environment is just not as conducive as u hope it is. Envy ppl ard me all the time, i assume they are all happy christian in happy cell group, well i am happy too, at least i am still pretending to be. Not sure when i can and will stop pretending, but from the way things goes,its not going to be soon. Feel like screaming, feel like tearing myself apart but my sanity always put mi down.

Split personality is not even enough to describe mi, hahaha...i am proud, lover-obsessed, introvert, extrovert, fillial, not so fillial, image conscious, not so image conscious, sexy, or at least trying to be, cute, act cute, friendly, not so friendly. Sometimes im confused myself. I only know 1 thing, i am positive to only people who are positive to me. Sounds normal, but not so when i perceive 85% of the people ard me as being negative to me.

God, i have never given up in you but have you?